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| I've been feeling really melancholic these past few weeks. I'm not sure why.  I asked myself the question, "If you can go back in time, to which event will you go back to?", and my answer surprised myself. Would I go back to my the time I spent in highschool? I had great friends and a great love. Maybe if I go back to that time, I would still be with my first boyfriend. No, not really. I'm so over that person and I still have my highschool friends until now. Would I go back to college then? I could've studied better instead of wasting my time with boys. Maybe if I could go back to that time, I'd have better grades and I'd have a higher paying job right now. (Not that I'm complaining with my current job and pay.) No, not really. I'm happy with the way things turned out for me, career-wise. Even if my first job paid peanuts, I loved it. I also met great people there. My second job still paid peanuts, but at least singapore peanuts. Lol. Still, I learned a lot from that job and I am grateful for the chance they gave me to start work here in Singapore. Would I go back to the time I broke-up with Mr. Big? Maybe if I could go back to that time, I could exert more effort so that there would be no need to break-up to learn the lessons we badly needed. Tempting, but not really. I learned a lot during the time we spent apart. When I arrived here in Singapore, I was very dependent on him and I feel very rejected because he was so busy with everything else. Nah. Now, I'm stronger and better. Need is different from love. Would I go back to the time when I was in a relationship with Aidan? Maybe if I could go back to that time, I wouldn't let him go. I know he loved me so much and I hurt him so much when I left him. Hmmmm... Nah. He's not the right person for me. I'll just make him miserable and in turn, make myself miserable too. Would I go back to the last day I saw my father well? Definitely. Even if I could just go back to the last time I saw him alive, I will. I'll sing to him and I'll play music. He likes to listen to music. Even at least to his burial day, I will. Just to see him one more time. Even if I have to endure the hardships we encountered, I would gladly choose to go back to these times than to any other happy moments in my life. Just one more time. | | |
| Subject:
Date: 11/1/98 8:27:18 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: NY152
To: Shopgirl Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could pass all my zingers to you and then I would never behave badly and you could behave badly all the time and we'd both me happy? But then, on the other hand, I must warn you that when you finally have the pleasure of saying the thing you mean to say the moment you mean to say it, remorse inevitably follows. Do you think we should meet? ******** And today I told J that he is "w.k.", which stands for walang kwenta (good for nothing). I didn't tell it to his face, I just put it in my status while we were having an argument. It's not really him that I find w.k.. It's his facebook addiction. Every chance he gets, he checks his fb and/or play mafia wars. Everything else is forgotten. He used to be a responsible person, but I'm afraid that he has changed for the worse. Like he needs to finish a simple website for our church community by the first week of November, but so far we've only done little work on it. I told him to let me know of important emails, but I end up reading those important emails myself when the content of the email is no longer relevant. It's so frustrating. How would you expect this kind of person to be a responsible of a family. Still, I shouldn't have told him that he's good for nothing. As NY152 said, "..remorse inevitable follows".
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| Yesterday was a good day. And it made me very happy. I slept for a long time (in other words, I woke up late), the bus arrived just moments after I got to the bus stop, I had my fave breakfast, I had a cheap but good lunch, I was productive at work, and to top it off, I had a great dinner with friends.
And today just sucks.
For some reason, I didn't have a good sleep. I got up early, I didn't like my make-up, the bus took some time to arrive, no breakfast, annoying customers, unproductive work, stinky guy in the lift, lousy and expensive lunch, disagreement with jay, and a few other small things.
I know I should let it go. But it really depressed me.
So what I did was I cancelled my appointments, went home early and watch a feel good movie.. "You've Got Mail".
I cried. But at least I'm feeling better now. 
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| The thing is, I'm sad. I've been sad for around 1 week now. I miss my Papa, especially now that I'm going back to the Philippines in a few days. This is the time when we would see each other and try to make small talk. And if my flight is around 4:30am, we'll be sharing breakfast from Jollibee. How we both love the food from Jollibee!
I missed him when Michael Jackson died and again when Cory died also. I can remember all too well how it feels too lose someone you love. I thought that it would lessen each passing day. But lately, it doesn't.
We're not that close. In fact, we are usually in disagreement with each other. But knowing he was there, gave me the comfort of knowing that I have a father who loves me and will protect me from harm. Now that he's gone, I am deeply saddened by my loss. No matter how much we fight, I was glad that I had him.
Now, he won't be able to walk me to the altar.
I miss you Papa. May you rest in peace with our Creator.
Rizalino R. Cuenca
23 Sept 1957 - 26 April 2009
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| Back in April 2008, I wrote an entry outlining some of the goals that I have for remainder of the year. Now, I am back to give an update on what I was able to accomplish. Time for some assessment on how I used my time and how I'm planning to spend 2009. Well, I hope I did good. 
1. Have a facial and hair treatment in May. Time to change looks again.
Okay, so I wasn't able to have a facial treatment in May, nor any time last year. Bad. The good thing is I was able to have a hair treatment AND it changed my looks. Goal accomplished. 1 point.
2. Apply for a Permanent Resident status in June
I wasn't able to apply for Permanent Residence last year, but I have a good excuse. I quit my old job and found a new one.. A great one, in fact.
3. Attend classes by July. Or at least enroll. Come on! Even if it's just a cooking class. (Hey, I'd love that!)
Sorry, I wasn't able to do this. Maybe this year..
4. Go to Bangkok for my birthday. Shopping for the birthday girl.
Okay, maybe I wasn't able to go to Bangkok. But I went to Phuket instead. I'd consider this done. 1 point.
5. Ohhhh... Help in a CLP. I think I'm ready to be more active. After May that is. Payback time. Harharhar!
Done! I was able to serve as MM to two CLPs this year. Happy! 1 point.
6. Have my family visit Singapore in September or October.
Nope, but they went last January. 1 point.
7. Go to a new place place in Malaysia. KL is not bad. Genting either. But something new is just better. Malacca perhaps? Tioman? Redang? And I know who I want to go with, if only he'll come with me..
Success! I was able to go to Kota Kinabalu last December! 1 point.
8. Open a metrobank account. Serious stuff!
Something I should do, but I can't seem to find the time or the drive.
9. Go home for the holidays.
Done. Plus I was able to go home a lot last year, come to think of it. 1 point.
10. Decide on the one. And do something about it. Fix it!
Done. 1 point. 
So my score is 7 out of 10. Not bad, I think. That is if you won't think that I'm cheating because I didn't exactly hit the bulls eye in some of my targets but I still gave myself a point. Whatever. Lol. The thing is, at least I did some things last year.
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